Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
