I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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