my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
