he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
