she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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