I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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