i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
