My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
