apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
