He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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