Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
