I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
