Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
