fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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