The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
