You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
