No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
