Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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