never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
