Duck Duck Cougar?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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