You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
