Plan B is the new Plan A
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
