Pappa wants mamma naked
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
