i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
