I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
