Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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