I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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