i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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