just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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