Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
