I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
