I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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