I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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