i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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