If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
