I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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