remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
