Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
