Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
