there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
