First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
