theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
