did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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