1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
