I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize