I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
