If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
