Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
