I'm so fucking centered right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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