Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
