nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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