Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we're making bets on your personal life
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Two words: blizzard sex
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
