my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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