LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
