the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
