Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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