sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
