Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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