I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
