I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
