You really coming over, don't trick.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
