i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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