it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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