he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
