We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
