At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
